Sir, you have toothpicks in your poo.

Bryan Lewis Saunders -- "Stand Up Tragedy"

This guy is pretty fucked, I'll give you that. Be he needs more nuance to be more than a shock-word freak.

Bryan Lewis Saunders likes to spend his evenings vomiting fever-dreams and feedback at a microphone while projecting the most deplorable and personal videos that he has to offer. So we are most impressed with his work.

However, the aww-shucks-I-didn't-really-cut-off-my-dick shit has got to go. If you're gonna spew it, then do it.

The naked poo and toothpick videos are self indulgent and satisfying, yes. But cheesey DVD menus and titles belong to lazy community college visual arts students. Bring it up.

Regardless of our incessant nitpickings... we'll let the other freeks judge for themseles:

The Freek Show Says:

4 out 5 pinheads could probably do it better. But no one else has the balls to do it like this guy does.

Listen Children, the Dinosaurs are Here.

Dino Time

Bloody Robots Record Release Party
Exit Music and Bloody Robots
7/26/08
Future Music in Highland Park

We found ourselves driving head-on into darkness. The winding lonesome roads of Highland Park were a far cry from the bustling hive we circulate in. But it was worth it.

A free show is never bad. A free show with free beer... well. That's exponentially better.

The only thing we really have to say about Exit Music is: Excellent vocals, but where's the cello? That's right, many up and coming bands are looking for that final puzzle-piece to complete them. So guess what guys, you need a cello. I know, you're probably scared of becoming so ultra-mello-coffee-shop-hipster set. But guess what, too late. Embrace your inner pretty. You need a cello.

And for Bloody Robots... Well...

One of the bandmate's charming mother was their merch-girl. If your crazy, almost-vocal-free metal gets mom's approval then you must have some level of hot shit to dispence. And they did. The drums made the music. Their set was as mighty as a bronosaurus running headfirst at a T-Rex only to be picked up by a rabid pterodactyl.

Oh and the multimedia for their set was perhaps the most ingenious we've seen in a while. Old school 12 mm footage from LA's Natural History museum. Dino bones and stuffed saber-tooth tigers slowly moving and coming to life during the thrashfest.

Good job, buddies.

THE FREEK SHOW SAYS:

5 out of 5 pinheads agree: Bloody Robots Rock the Stoneage

Entertain Yourself

While we gather our collective consciousnesses... Maybe you should give some attention to Jellowaste.

We sort of saw him live. We weren't paying attention... he was late or something? But the crowd enjoyed. A full review of the Monkey Bucket show is coming up.

http://www.myspace.com/jellowaste

THE FREEKSHOW SAYS:
He looks kind of like one of Marilyn Manson's ass puppets from Party Monster.

Where the fuck have we been?

We had an interesting encounter last month.

We ate some brownies.

We drank some koolaid.

We woke up naked on a Mexican beach. Sadly, all of our organs were completely intact.

But we are back. And we have some mutherfucking opinions on a whole lot of shit.

This week cums all over the reader. We'll rant about Jello-St.-Jello, Noise as music, and a man who puts toothpicks in poo.

Our acid binge is over. Now we can judge the little furry creatures and await the artistic apocalypse.

THE FREEK SHOW SAYS:

WE ARE BACK

Why Michael Ritchie's CTG sucks.

We Are Pissed

-Michael Ritchie and his pretty hair have let us down.

-The 2008-2009 season for the Ahmanson, Kirk Douglas, and that broken-down Mark Taper Forum truly sucks.

-CTG hasn't produced anything remotely ground breaking since 2005's the Black Rider (and everyone knows that Robert Wilson is old hat, anyway).

-The Ahmanson is especially offensive. The shows produced there are either rehashed Broadway musicals that achieved some sort of commercial success or sugar-water original productions that HOPE to go to NY. And let's face it, the shows that CTG does send to NYC almost never make any kind of critical or commercial success. The Drowsy Chaperone AND Curtains have closed within the year on Broadway. Always a Bridesmaid, CTG.

-The Ahmanson itself may as well be used for Snoopy on Ice.

-And Mr. Ritchie, killing those playwright's labs hasn't done jack shit for anyone.

-And even worse, we keep getting duped into attending their shows! Why?! We want to give up on CTG, we really, really do. But like a bad 7/11 hotdog, we're always hoping the next one wont make us sick.

The Freek Show Says: No wonder Los Angeles Theatre has a reputation for sucking Broadway's cock.

Freek o' the Week

And The Freek Show Says:

A Chorus Line Express with Extra Soy Sauce

A Chorus Line
Directed by Bob Avian
Playing at the Ahmanson Theatre until July 6th.

A. Chorus. Line. "The new generation of Broadway's Best" "The Best Musical. Ever."

We're so tired of these ridiculous generalizations touting a musical as being "popular" or "good." The second a show becomes an overall favorite it compromises it's own unique artistic perspective.

Sadly, this is the case with the new revival of A Chorus Line, currently residing at the Ahmanson, Downtown's auditorium-masquerading-as-a-theatre Goliath.

If you're unfamiliar with this dancey-meta-musical, then you've been living under a rock and we disregard you. If you know the show and you're expecting the same bitter magic that made the original production so magical, then you'll be mildly disappointed.

A Chorus Line -- this revival especially -- is the theatrical equivalent of a meal at Panda Express. The cast is as bland and filling as steamed white rice; the direction as original as a bland cup of Eggdrop soup. The choreography is as familiar and filling as steamed dumplings while the true star of the meal is the Sweet and Sour score.

One notable exception to the menu is Gabrielle Ruiz (who puts a little more than spice and flavor in "Nothing" and "What I Did for Love"). Also, thank god the actor playing Zach (Michael Gruber) bore no resemblance to Mario Lopez. The last thing LA art needs is another fucking Saved by the Bell actor pretending they have talent.

The Freek Show Says:

A Chorus Line is as filling and tasty as a Fast Food Chinese Dinner. But 20 minutes later you know you're going to be hungry again.

3.42 Pinheads covered in Soy Sauce and Fried Rice to Go